Spirituality--Descent to Hell--and Back--Reexamining Beauty and Forgiveness

My dear friends. I have recently had an epiphany. Sometimes a view of hell can be as instructive as a visitation from the gods. Now, it is my job to attempt to convey what I have learned without seeming to preach. No one wants to hear preaching from me. So, if I begin to become to preachy, feel free to bring it to my attention. Sometimes--okay, often I get carried away with things I've learned.

I will begin this blog with forgiving someone who I  have failed to respect for a long time. So, I'm sorry self. I'm sorry I have been so hard on you for so long. I think I am going to give you, I mean me, a break.

This last week I was in a group of people having a discussion about spirituality. In the period of a few minutes I learned a lot about spirituality, beauty, and ugliness. The conversation went around the room about what we thought about the subject. Some of us talked about going to church; I spoke about the spirituality of art, specifically about turning stone in sculpture and Bernini; and some people had other ideas about what connection with a higher power means.

Then we came to Kate (not her real name.) Kate is not one of the beautiful people. She is obese, in her mid-to-late-seventies probably, and wears a permanent frown it seems. People are not drawn to her. I wasn't, knowing it was wrong not to be, but I did not think she might have much to say. So, when it became Kate's turn to talk about spirituality, I did not expect much. Let me paraphrase her remarkable story.

One day she was shopping in a thrift store, and on one of the upper shelves, she spotted a small "suitcase." She asked the clerk to get it down so she could look inside the case. The case contained a violin--not a cheap violin, but a beautiful, hand-made violin, that she knew was a real find for the price. The instrument had no bridge, and no strings. Kate brought it home, then replaced the bridge and the strings.

At this point in the story, Kate's eyes looked off into the distance, and she described the instrument as a child sent to her from above--delivered by angels perhaps--with the purest of tones--it played itself, she said. I had never once heard anyone describe an inanimate object with such love and tenderness. It turns out, Kate had played in a couple of major orchestras in San Francisco and the San Jose Symphony. Here was this person, who we all had ignored, who possessed the soul of an angel perhaps, and rare talent. God knows, it is not easy to gain a position in any symphony or orchestra, and she had played with the SF Ballet Orchestra, and SF Chamber Orchestra.

This should be the end of a beautiful story about dispelling some myths about what makes a person beautiful, spiritual, and worthwhile upon this earth. Unfortunately, it ended badly. Before Kate finished her story, and she had not gone on and on with it, the "leader" of the group interrupted her and stopped Kate in her tracks. Nothing beautiful in this man's soul. I fear he cost Kate a great deal of harm. I certainly had a totally different opinion of this wonderful woman after her story. This leader though acted as if Kate were a wounded animal, and he were a predator.

The first dog that Lynn and I owned together, Maurice, somehow was an animal that other dogs picked on. I don't know why. We found him chewed up one day by the neighbor's dog, and after that, he seemed fair game for any other male he encountered. He never initiated these confrontations, he just seemed a target. Kate I fear is another of these creatures that draws the ire of the alpha-males of this world. I hope some higher power will protect her in the long run. Unfortunately, I fear she will someday be found "half-eaten" on the savannah of modern America. From what little I know about her, she has been wounded far worse by those who should have known better.

I apologize for such a bummer of an ending. Wish it could have been better.

Look, I definitely owe apologies to a number of people in this world. I have made a lot of mistakes in my time. Unfortunately, a bunch of people who deserve an "I'm sorry" from me will never hear it. And a lot of you who read my stuff have been so supportive and caring. I thank you for that. Your faith in me has been amazing. My family too has been there all along.

Right now, I am throwing off the "lost" label I have wallowed in for such a long time. It has been a comfortable place for me, it meant I didn't have to work very hard to evolve. I know I can be up and down like crazy. Well, okay. No promises. I'm working on it.

Thanks all for reading. Bless you all.