“dance, dance, otherwise we are lost”--Pina Bausch

I used to like to dance. Pina Bausch had it right perhaps. Dance or we are lost. She had something to do with Rite of Spring ballet. Rite of Spring ends with the death of a dancer, a sacrifice of sorts. The ballet caused a near riot in Paris when it opened there 100 years ago.
So dance...
What do we sacrifice when we don't keep moving?
Physically, we lose our flexibility. Emotionally our life stagnates.
So what do we do?
Dance.

In Love With Marriage

I recently spoke to a long-time friend on Facebook. She mentioned that she was happier unmarried than married.
Another woman I know, was ambushed with a divorce from her husband. She never saw it coming, I met this woman when the news was fresh and the hurt apparent. Happily, she is experiencing a remarkable comeback, and loves the idea of not having to think of what her married self and husband will have to do everyday, together. She doesn't think in terms of "them" anymore.
My mother has been married five times. Each ended in divorce. My father was married three times.   I have been married once, for almost 35 years. My half-sister--same mother, different father, has been married once for about 25 years. I don't want to tell you divorce is a bad thing. Often divorce is the only option for couples in trouble. That's not where I'm going with this at all. I only am saying that my marriage experience is different from my mom's.
I know that long-term marriages take a lot of work. There will be difficult whole days, whole weeks, months, years, and even decades. I am so invested--no not so invested that I do everything right--but invested nonetheless, that the thought of losing my marriage is dangerous to me. I am overcoming this inability to deal with the really hairy arguments better. Really. I used to wonder if my flaws as a mate shouldn't lead to me to a Golden Gate Bridge plunge. I tell you this in all sincerity.
Now, my mother was in love with marriage. The idea I guess. She never once understood the give and take involved with successful marriage partnerships. Not once did she really even try to give an inch when it came to marital bliss. If a man treated her like crap, she wanted out. She never even got to the altar with someone who didn't treat her like crap. They weren't real men. Men who she could boss around never really lasted too long. Men who treated her well flunked the try out. Men who treated her lousy eventually got tossed. Nothing worked.
For my last year-and-a-half of high school, and my one year of college, she stayed unmarried and without any steady boyfriend, She was about 38 when I left home. While I wouldn't have minded a  few years without man-trouble, unluckily I didn't get a chance to miss it. She started treating me like the man who needed to be thrown out of the house whenever she got pissed.
We'd go through the old "get out" screaming thing, and when I closed the door to leave she would come after me and either rip at my clothing to get me back in, or throw my clothes out behind me. This started in my early teen years, but got really bad later.
What is the deal with some people like my mother? They marry like they are playing dice and that their luck will never change.
But these folks got rice marks on their faces. They love marriage, despite every sign that they'll never get the hang of it. Even though divorce is a sure thing, they sign up for the abuse again and again.
Let's face it. Marriage is tough. People who get married have to make concessions all the time. No one will ever marry successfully without sacrifice. Some of us are in love with marriage though. There is no chance in the world I could ever be single long. I need someone. Maybe I'm lucky to have a wife who has put up with me this long. It hasn't been easy for her. Sometimes I'm a mess. And yeah, she has her...moments.